Taisei Buffet

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Growing Up Together

Mr. Sensitive
Animals are understandably frightened by fireworks and Hiro's no exception. We probably unknowingly traumatized him further by taking him to see the works when he was a puppy.

Today, some neighborhood bum lit some up in the early evening. Without fail, Hiro got a big scare and then became very needy for the rest of the night. He jumped up onto Wami's lap where Taisei was already sitting on the other leg. Wami told Taisei that Hiro was scared. Taisei immediately leaned over, gave Hiro a kiss, and gently patted him on the back. What a sweetie! Where do kids learn this stuff. We didn't think he even knew what "scared" meant.

Magical Understanding
A few months back, we noticed that Taisei was just about at the same level of intelligence as Hiro, who is supposedly a smart breed and can understand 200+ words. That lasted probably only a week before Taisei totally surpassed Hiro. (Although Hiro is still by far more obedient.)

We're constantly amazed what he can understand. By the way, I'm sure it's just a normal part of toddler progression - we're not saying Taisei's smarter than other babies. It's just amazing. (One nursery leader - no kids yet - accused us of confusing him and making him dumber by using too many languages. Oh, the ignorance. Anyway, I digress. When Taisei doesn't obey, we try (we seriously rack our brains) to give him choices. When he would rather wander around the bedroom than go to bed, I ask him in English "Do you want to finish this book or do you want to go to bed right away?" He comes right to bed. Oh yes, he understands. Tonight Wami asked him in Japanese "Do you want to read and pray together, or do you want to go to bed yourself." Believe you me - he came running. How do these language skills develop? It's truly magical.

Help us!
By the way, does anyone else have good techniques for getting your kids to brush?
How about an effective discipline/lesson for not biting other kids?

posted by Jerin at 8:23 PM

13 comment(s):

That's cool that T and H are so protective of each other.

By Blogger Esther, at 11/28/2007 9:32 AM  

It is amazing how kids understanding seems to all of a sudden exponentially increase. But before long they understand too well and start to deliberately pretend they don't understand.

I would also agree the nursery leader is ignorant to child development. We know Andersen has no trouble understanding us if we speak English, Thai, or Lao to him (albeit, Thai and Lao are already pretty darn close).

I need to remember to give Andersen choices more often, I hear it's very effective, thanks for the reminder!

The only discipline we've used is the infamous "timeout." We figure if Andersen is old enough to be openly defiant, he's old enough to be put into timeout. For his age, we put him in timeout for no more than 2 minutes. We always remember to give him a little "lecture" to explain what he did and why he was in timeout, and to show the "increase of love" after. Not always sure how much he understands (probably more than he lets on), but we figure it's a good habit.

By Blogger andrew, at 11/29/2007 7:09 AM  

BTW, that's a really cute pic of Taisei and Hiro!

By Blogger andrew, at 11/29/2007 7:11 AM  

Andrew, I've yet to read that timeout is very effective that early on. If you do, make sure you constantly remind him him what it's for. Also, 2 minutes is probably too long for that age. He'll have forgotten what it's for after about 15 seconds.

Instead, I would try to give him alternatives that are better in hopes that he tries to do that instead. For example, Taisei likes to whack Hiro in the head with toys. He's just playing and although he probably knows he's not supposed to do it, I don't think he's being disobedient. We explain that it hurts Hiro and tell him that if he wants to play with Hiro, he could try tackling him, or giving him treats - things that Hiro doesn't mind.

Even for things like biting, I have not read anywhere about timeout as the recommended teaching method. For us, restraining Taisei so far has just frustrated him and made him want to lash back (run back over and try to hit Hiro again). Anyone else have thoughts?

By Blogger Jerin, at 11/29/2007 7:38 AM  

Ok, I spoke too soon. It looks like time outs can be used early on, but just like sleep training, it just has to be done right. About 1 minute per year of the child. My fear was right about the child not necessarily understanding. Early on, the purpose of "time out" should be taught to the child by using it for one or two specific violations. I read it here.

Maybe Neo already gets it and you guys are way ahead of us. Go smarty-pants Neo!

By Blogger Jerin, at 11/29/2007 7:44 AM  

Always good to get some vindication...jk. We only use it for certain situations when we know he's being very purposefully defiant, which just began recently. I don't know if he gets it (we hope he does), I'll have to read up more on it and see if there are tweaks we could make. Parenting is, after all, a constant learning experience. I feel like I'm getting it wrong more than half the time...but live and learn.

Yes the 1-minute per year is why we don't do more than 2 minutes, I don't have a watch on me ever, so I watch the stove/microwave clock and figure after the clock advances twice it's about right.

Now go read my post and give me some advice!

By Blogger andrew, at 11/29/2007 8:35 AM  

Wha.. a post?? I'll have to go look.

I forgot to point out - although time out can work, it's still better to teach an alternative whenever possible. At such an early age, NO isn't so easily replaced with an alternative unless you teach it to them.

Read the article I linked! It talks about showing your kid the timer so he can watch it for himself.

By Blogger Jerin, at 11/29/2007 8:42 AM  

I need to follow up to see all the comments related to how to teach the children because we really need those advice to help Ailing! Hope she'll appreciate that before too long!

Taisei is so blessed to have Hiro as older brother! Lately, we really come to realize that ailing needs another company besides us. Is it really about time to try to have another one?

By Blogger Amber(怡文), at 11/30/2007 1:18 AM  

I like the choices idea, it seems to have worked very well for Adele. As for the biting, I am not sure what to do. We usually only give her time outs if she repeatedly ignores us (like if she's pushing her cousin for the 3rd time in a row). And those timeouts are very short, like 10 seconds, and then we explain why. Then we ask her to apoligize. I think the apology is very effective, becuase they have to own up to what they did to the person they did it too. I know Taisei might not be able to say "sorry" yet, but Dawna (who can't talk either) will either blow a kiss, give a kiss, or give a hug to say she's sorry. Then there usually aren't any more episodes. Oh, and it helps when we explain that something Adele did made someone else very sad. And she doesn't want them to be sad, right? Or it makes mommy and Daddy sad. She doesn't want us to be sad. That usually works too. The gentler I am, the more willing she is to repent!

The brushing teeth thing is DIFFICULT! Sometimes I say "let me do it for 10 seconds, then you can do it" which OCCASIONALLY works. On other nights, we might let her brush our teeth while we brush hers at the same time. Usually Aaron gets frustrated and tries to resort to forcing his way into her mouth (doesn't work well!). Or we tell her to do it while we do it and brush like we are. She mostly bites her toothbrush so we tell her if she doesn't do it properly, then we have to do it for her. Um, sometimes works.

By Blogger Aaron and Emily, at 12/03/2007 12:57 PM  

It's a GREAT idea to teach him to be multi-lingual when he's still young. It's so much harder if your parents stop and then you have to try to learn again when you're older (like me).

I have a niece that was taught mandarin, cantonese, french, and english as a little baby/toddler. At 6 years old (and in school) she's doing just fine! She's pretty good about 'knowing' what language to use where and when.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/13/2007 6:11 PM  

I love this age, cause it's so wonderful seeing your kids little minds come alive. But yes they do get more and more assertive in their independence and won't listen. Then you'll have Evan that I know has learned to tune me out entirely.
About brushing teeth. We've found to get Evan to do something he doesn't want to do, that reverse psycology has worked for us. He doesn't want to go to bed, I told him fine you stay awake, I'm sleeping in your big boy bed. Then I don't let him get on the bed. It just makes him want to get in his bed more. hehehe. ok so that may only work on some kids. I'm sure other kids would be happy to see mom or dad sleep while they go play.
I did get Evan his own toothbrush that lights up and blinks for a minute so he knows how long to brush. I think it was just $3 for two brushes at Target. And he loves to use his own kid toothpaste. I just taught him to spit and he loves that since he's not allowed to spit at any other time. I did train Evan to get used to me looking inside his mouth early on. I'd show him in the mirror if he got something stuck in his teeth and get it out for him to see. And we'd count our teeth together. And I also had to ask him to let me brush his teeth first and then I'd let him do it himself. Hope that helps.
As for the biting. I say just bite him back! hehehe jk. I know they say to make sure you adress the biting quickly after it happens so they learn action/consequence.
Good Luck!

By Blogger Beverly, at 12/16/2007 11:56 PM  

Thanks Bev! Thankfully, he hasn't bitten since posted this.

We've made great strides brushing too. He knows that if he takes his gummy vitamin, his next step is to let us brush. So far, he lets us... to some extent. We get it done before he goes to sleep, so it's not bad.

That's a good idea about looking in his mouth. I wish we had done that earlier. We actually had no idea how many teeth he had until one day we noticed there were 12!

By Blogger Jerin, at 12/17/2007 7:25 AM  

Ok, about teaching kids to brush...Let's take Tana for example. She watches everybody brush and floss, and now she wants to do it just like people do now. So before she goes to bed every night, all we need to do is to put a little bit of toothpaste on her brush, and she knows exactly how to do her part. I think you could try brushing your teeth with him. It might work. Tana even flosses her teeth every night too! I just wonder if it's the toothpaste that makes him feel weird or what, but you can buy some other flavors and see which one he likes the best. Tana does not really care which flavor she uses as long as she can be just like us adults. Kids tend to model themselves on how the adults around them act, you know, "monkey see, monkey do!" Make sure you're always seen by Taisei when you're doing something that you want him to learn. I hope this helps!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/17/2007 9:25 PM  

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